Task Avoider Gifts

The Procrastinatorium.

"What is the first item on the to do list?"

'I couldn't do my term paper because they've never made a movie about Rutherford B. Hayes.'

"I like going to school...and I like coming home from school. It's all the stuff in the middle that gives me trouble."

"By the way, the failing grades you'll be seeing-they won't be virtual."

Mental Wellness Center. Some folks coming here are working on multiple issues. Earlier, I saw a germaphobe with a fear of flying. Using an airplane bathroom must be completely out of the question! There's a narcissist with math anxiety and a fear of public speaking. He hopes one day he can stand in front of a large audience and count all the wonderful qualities he believes he has. And that guy has claustrophobia combined with a fear of success. Looks like he's going through a rough period

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

'When played backwards these say terrible things like 'do your homework' and 'clean your room.''

". . . so, all I really need to do is change one word."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'Before you give us your surprise test, could we have a surprise study period?'

Billy strip: help with homework.

"Harold! Don't forget to get the eggs!"

"Shouldn't you be studying?

'English homework leaves a pleasant after taste. History takes like fast food. But math is a real bummer on my digestive tract.'

"I virtually finished my homework."

'Would you believe, I didn't get my homework done because of PMS?'

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

'I've been doing well in school lately, so I think I'm entitled to some dumbing down.'

'BEWARE OF DOG (eats homework)'

'You're lucky! Your teacher never gives you any homework.'

Fred gives up his MP3 Player in favor of conch shells.

Labradoodle/Labradon't-le

"When I hear the word mathematics I immediately think of three things. Boring and useless."

I don't need to know any math --- I'm going to be a politician.

Who...what...why...when...where...whatever...

"Alert security, the buck has failed to stop here and is loose in the building."

"Year, pets do teach kids about responsibility. When they won't get off their butts, they know I'll be responsible."

'I'm not counting the days 'til school's out. I don't do math unless they make me.'

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

'I don't like to waste time. How long on average does it take a recruit to make general?'

You're not a team player, Peters - and I think we can all agree that's a good thing. Beer.

"Hahahaha! Oh, you are hilarious! Help you with your math homework … hahahaha!"

'It's 42 degrees outside, Eddie. Do you still think global warming burned up your homework?'