Punishment Avoider Gifts

'Daddy's going to know who you are, son.'

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

"I find it best to stay out of office politics!"

"We're going to see my family. There's an extra twenty in it for you if we never get there."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"What flower says you're sorry without admitting wrongdoing?"

"Well, so far I'm managing to stay above the fray."

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

The Procrastinatorium.

Election Cancelling Headphones

"I realize you want to enjoy every last minute of summer, but it's not possible to stay awake until school starts."

'I'd like to request flexible working to avoid my family.'

"Alert security, the buck has failed to stop here and is loose in the building."

Book from the Library of Alexandria. Woman says: 'Have you seen how overdue this book is?'

"I don't have time for New Year's resolutions, I'm still working on the backlog from 1998-2000."

"I need to update my cloak of invincibility."

"Year, pets do teach kids about responsibility. When they won't get off their butts, they know I'll be responsible."

'I don't like to waste time. How long on average does it take a recruit to make general?'

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

"Passive-aggressive musical chairs." "You sit. I don’t deserve to" "I couldn’t possibly." "Maybe two of us could share." "Someone else go first." "I actually prefer standing."

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

James never left his bed, seeing nothing but danger in the financial world.

'I'm getting a jump on my regrets so I don't have to bother with them when I'm old.'

"I don't like all the responsibility that comes with my new pompousness."

It's not that Ned is superstitious...but rather, he doesn't take unnecessary risks!

The Ostrich Syndrome: 'Who gets the check?'

Hiding from unwanted visitors.

Glass who didn't want to get involved in the argument.

'My brother hates school. He won't read in captivity.'

'Mr. Wilkie dislikes confrontation.'

"What is the first item on the to do list?"