Annual Report Meeting Gifts

"We apparently exceeded our expectations but, do any of you remember what they were?"

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"#Win!"

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

Business is off the chart.

"It's all a matter of planning...."

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

'Now, if you would all put on your glasses, we'll get a glimpse of our profits in 3D.'

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'Thanks to our exensive cost-cutting efforts, we managed to turn a profit.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

Vulture sitting over a plummeting graph.

"It's time for your performance review where I damn you with faint praise."

'Uh, yeah, the picture resolution is great.'

"Which way up do you want it?"

"Let me level with you. I am a lecherous, incompetent, alcoholic, overpaid, sexist senior executive. The company has put me in your way to test your countervailing potential."

"Our company is going to embrace cutting edge change...that's why the room is full of old white guys waiting for me to load a motivational video into a VCR."

People who work-from-home, annual get together.

"Before we start our wages negotiation talks, the lads would like to congratulate the chairman on his 83% salary increase."

'Due to budget cutbacks we are combining our annual employee dinner with The Seven Basic Quality Control Tools Training.'

"It's been a great year - let's hope we can keep the shareholders from finding out."

"Our profits have been out-sourced ."

Falling Prices

"Dammit, Hopkins... It's the fiscal new year!"