Animal Lovers With A Funny Bone Gifts

Policeman charges tortoise for impersonation.

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

Diner

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

Are you the guy who ate my brother?

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

"Actually I never loved you."

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

"I wrote a letter to the Wall Street Journal saying the term 'Bear Market' makes me look like a loser, but they didn't print it."

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

'Noah, before you leave we'd like to have a word with you!'

'Someone's feeling bullish.'

Free Range Golfers

"If Noah asks... Just tell him you've all had your vaccinations."

'Turns out medicine is the best medicine.'

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'

"I'm thinking considerably longer. How about you, Alan?"

Fetch the Boomerang

'You have some nice car chasing scenes here.'

He. 'How would you like to own a--er--a little puppy?' She. 'Oh, Mr. Softly, this is so sudden!'

Chippunks

Animal worries.

Animal rescue center

"We pride ourselves on defying expectations."

Rattache

"Good news. Pork bellies just dropped four points."

"Our forensic scientist quit, so our computer guy has stepped in for now."