Animal Lovers With A Funny Bone Gifts

Policeman charges tortoise for impersonation.

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

Diner

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

Are you the guy who ate my brother?

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

"Actually I never loved you."

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'Noah, before you leave we'd like to have a word with you!'

Free Range Golfers

'Someone's feeling bullish.'

"If Noah asks... Just tell him you've all had your vaccinations."

'Turns out medicine is the best medicine.'

Fetch the Boomerang

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'

"I'm thinking considerably longer. How about you, Alan?"

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

Animal rescue center

Chippunks

Animal worries.

'You have some nice car chasing scenes here.'

"We pride ourselves on defying expectations."

"Good news. Pork bellies just dropped four points."

"Our forensic scientist quit, so our computer guy has stepped in for now."

He. 'How would you like to own a--er--a little puppy?' She. 'Oh, Mr. Softly, this is so sudden!'

Rattache

'When I said you'd have to jump through hoops, I meant you'll have to literally jump through hoops.'