Animal Hygiene Humorous Gifts

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

'He's so hip he even used rock 'n roll-on deodorant.'

"Ooh, you’ve got a little piece of retiree caught in your teeth."

"I can't afford to feed you."

'OK, here are the rules: We can't be seen by humans and can't leave droppings around, otherwise, they'll close the restaurant...'

'Naw, man! I ain't never worked in no animal hospital...'

"You've had dogs, cats, birds and even a pony. . . how come your only pets that survive are fish, Arielle?"

"I'll take your word for it. You don't have to show me your used floss."

Ward Cleaning.

'Nonsense, Melvin! Who ever heard of a tapeworm that big?'

Happy Hour legal loopholes!

"I wasn't dead yet."

A vampire lays in his coffin and he has put his vampire dentures in a glass beside the coffin.

Graduate.

'Here! I saved his anal sacs for you.'

Strictly Ornamental.

"I thought you didn't have any toothpicks?"

'See, honey? My teeth aren't yellow, they're 'Eloquent Ivory.''

'Scalpel, dammit! Scalpel!'

Wolf in bed.

'Your hospital bill is $8437.00, plus $350.00 for not wearing clean underwear when you were brought in.'

"I've head the soup's not bad."

'You srow ze glove in my face?...'

"Hold on – you don't know whose paws have touched that butter board."

'Okay, Claudia, you're right, next time I'll buy freshly frozen rats!'

'You want to borrow a tampon?!'

'Wow, that's great, thanks: I really need to floss...'

'Next we tried continuous intravenous drip fluid therapy...'

'Did you have it professionally done or did you use those tusk whitening strips?'

"Yes, that's water retention."

Dentist working on a giant