Animal Hater Humor Gifts

'Lance, I know you're not a big fan of rodents...'

"The good old days of eating the washing off the line are all gone methinks: The farmer has bought an electric dryer..."

Faster, Georges, faster!

"Do me next."

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Yes, it's oil-paint: It's difficult to find water for watercolours around here..."

Cat croissant, cat baguette, cat muffin, cat turnover

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"What road do you want to dart across today?"

'Oh for heaven's sake, you're a cow. Just eat grass and be happy.'

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

Hey. Hey. Polly wants some folly.

The americanisation of vulture.

The only time cats are known to laugh.

'Oh Hi!'

'Yeah, I'm sorry to break it to you bud, that eating grass thing is a myth!'

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

Hats and Food

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Jurassic Pork.'

Snowmobull

"Author does not do tricks."

"Scuba cow"

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

For heavens sake,put some make-up on!

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

"Now there's something you don't see everyday. How long have you been using dachshunds as sled dogs.?"

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"