Angelic Taxpayers Gifts

'You owe income tax, social security tax, and of course, death tax.'

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

"Because of the economic situation they've relaxed the rules."

'I store all my data in the cloud.'

"The wings are addictive."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

Tax Preparer. I'm working on my client's tax returns. Mars, being the "red planet," is claiming a business operating loss. Jupiter, with all those moons, takes deductions for almost 70 dependents. And earth has no new nations this year ... so no "capitol gains" to declare. Did Mercury lower his taxes? Yeah, he's eligible for a huge solar energy tax credit!

"Actually, when I wangled a transfer to the Los Angeles office, I expected palm trees and ocean."

"It's very nice. I just think they could add a spa."

"Sin tax? I love it."

"Did you bring a duplicate copy of your 'Times' obit with you?"

"I miss fine stores everywhere."

'Well of course I believed, but I never really thought it was true.'

An angel looks at a news box containing the "International Herald Tribune".

'I realize this might be carping but I never did live long enough to enjoy my IRA account.'

"Frankly, your credit score concerns me."

'He's back! He just couldn't stand the idea of the stock market going up without him.'

Heavenly politics. Campaigns here are different from those down on earth. Saint Peter has a complete file on everybody, so there's total transparency up here. Our debates are friendly and the ads are all positive. And here the incumbent in the highest office always runs unopposed. That's all true, but in one way the camaigns up here are just like the ones on earth. They go on for eternity.

'I realize that this may be carping, but I never did live long enough to enjoy my I.R.A. account.'

You Are Entering God's Country. A Pearly-Gated Community.

'I'm writing a sequel to my autobiography.'

Angel talking to broker

"Are you even listening? I'm an arch-angel. There's no such thing as an investor angel!"

'Unless you're going to pass, get the hell out of the left lane!'

"You say 'meek,' but your records say 'passive-aggressive.'"

'Pearly Gate? No, we call this the 'Evil-Sniffer 3000', but it's really just a metal detector.'

'I don't want to fight the evil Emperor of the Galaxy! †I want to do my taxes!'

Angel investor.

'You don't have to worry about who to vote for this year, but I'm from Chicago.'

Do you have any pull with the IRS?

No, you tell him he looked better with a beard.

'I was doing a lot of good, but then the funding ran out.'

'I don't write books any more -- My agent went to Hell.'

"I prefer to keep my religious views to myself."