Angelic Observer Gifts

"It was much nicer before people started storing all their personal information in the cloud."

"He's out leaving wads of gum everywhere."

No, those were not my last words! I told you you never listened.

There you are. What took you so long?

"This is Hell for him. He's afraid of heights."

The lost and found in heaven has a lot of missing halos.

'I never was very religious.'

'You realise this isn't a sure thing? You're up here on a one-hundred billion year trial.'

Notice in Heaven: 'Please switch off mobiles.'

This looks unusual, but these things have a mind of their own.

'He used to drive an SUV!'

"'Smoking' or 'Non-Smoking'?"

"Hmmm. . . I need to lose some weight. . ."

"They're all down there sentenced to an an eternity of fornication, licentiousness and intoxication."

The real reason God rested on the seventh day.

"How can you be out of wings?"

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

'Look man, no wings!'

"It turns out you can 'take it with you' if you pack correctly."

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

'Let's see what they're screwing up today.'

"Hey, that's just one omniscient guy's opinion."

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."

"Don't worry, Jules. It'll come up on your side of the house in just 12 hours."

"Imagine! In the past year alone, Thomas Jefferson has learned to speak Swahili and play the glockenspiel."

Crisis.

"We use the proceeds to help offset the cost of your eternal salvation."

Arch of Triumph Save

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."