Ancient Tales Gifts

"Psst...quick -- check how long a Bible guy named Methuselah lived."

The Fourth Little Pig

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

Warrior Woman

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

"I know! Two years without anymore Game Of Thrones?"

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

Knights of the bedside table.

',,,And we'd really like a heart for the Tin Man,,,'

'O mighty gods! - May you grant us food, clothing, and shelter, and the wisdom to know the difference.'

Only then, did Medusa realise her mistake.

'Can you just send the digital copy?'

My, grandma, what a big premium you have for a plan that doesn't cover getting eaten by a wolf.

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

"Noah, what do you think are the most dangerous animals you've brought abroad the ark?"

"I don't know. He just said he had discovered something and we had to come over and see it."

Eurydice in prison

'Don't believe everything you read.'

The Tennis Racket in the Stone

'Yes, they've been fact-checked!'

Every time I get a postcard from your brother, I regret that I carved him out of driftwood.

Siegfried and the dragon

"Are you sure you need to make a large print version available?"

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

'... And as soon as it's discovered, don't play with fire!'

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

"If this doesn't distract him, Ulysses, we'll go with the sheep idea."

Egyptian Library: 'Every week you take out the same book, Anubis.'

'After the big race the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

"That's not what I said."

'That sure was a disaster of a first date!'

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'

Achilles often feared that his weakness would be discovered.