Ancient Storyteller Gifts

'How's your novel coming along?'

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

"I don't know. He just said he had discovered something and we had to come over and see it."

'Look - Oog has invented 'media.''

"If this doesn't distract him, Ulysses, we'll go with the sheep idea."

When Meteors Come Close to Earth.

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'

'O mighty gods! - May you grant us food, clothing, and shelter, and the wisdom to know the difference.'

'Don't believe everything you read.'

'I'll bet it was quite a media event when Moses parted the Red Sea.'

'...And that's tonight's news. Thank you, and good evening.'

Eurydice in prison

"I need to do a rewrite of my novel, so we'll have to move!"

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"We only got six days of funding."

'A wheel? No wonder I broke a tooth. I thought it was a donut.'

"Wheel, schmeel—check these babies out!"

The First Fire Stick

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

"The knights of the round accent table"

"Eat my dust!"

OOG & SONS HUNTING & GATHERING

"I couldn't care less if being Homo Sapiens is the latest trend. While you're living in our cave, you better act like a true Neanderthal."

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'AAAARGH!...Get it off! Whatever the hell it is...Get it off!'

'If you want to see my resume, it's on my cave wall.'

Phoenix

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

Santa CGI Effect

"You said getting to the air B&B would be quick, I didn't think you meant this quick!"

Infographics: the early years.

'Wine? Okay. I really don't care what you call it; let's invite over the two sisters from the cave next door.'

'We'll never understand these kids. It's the old evolution gap.'

"I am wearing sunglasses and using sunscreen with 50% UV protection. What could possibly go wrong?"