Prehistoric Storyteller Gifts

"We'll start out by speaking in simple declarative sentences."

'What have I told you before about drawing on the walls?'

Infographics: the early years.

Little known fact: Man progressed from the stone age to the bronze age after Thag read an issue of the Journal of Metals.

"A T-Rex ate my mom while she was helping me with my homework."

Caveman draws a picture exaggerating his hunting prowess.

"I've invented the fire extinguisher."

Early social media platforms were used much the same as they are today.

'Because mastodon fur is out of STYLE, that's why!'

'How's your novel coming along?'

'Once-upon-a-time about two years ago...'

'If you want to see my resume, it's on my cave wall.'

'He's not either more afraid of me than I am of him!'

Early man learns that by walking upright, his hands become free to do many useful things.

'You've been at this all day, dear -- why don't you give up and catch a rabbit or something?'

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

Early origins of 'lowbrow'.

"I think the return of the pterodactyls is a little ominous!"

I'm "Oog," this is "Wonk" and the guy drawing on the wall behind you in "Blog." (Published originally on December 14, 2007.)

I'll be with you in a minute -- I'm just updating my status.

"Chapter three: Homo erectus and the practical use of bones..."

"He thought the creature seemed more conciliatory of late."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"What's a patent?"

'Well, there's something you don't see every day'

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

"Ooh look Derek. A shooting star. Quick make a wish"

'I can't wait 'til hunting is googling and gathering is calling out for delivery.'

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'It's an extinction notice.'

'How do you like my fantasy weekend so far?'

'The dreaded Anachronisaurus strikes again!'

"While you were working on fire, I was working on my satellite. Once we figure out how to launch it into the heavens, other inventions will follow, like phones, GPS, weather predictions. . ."

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'