Ancient Stories Fan Gifts

'Look, Daddy! Somebody bought me a pony for my birthday!'

"I feel like every time I turn into a swan there's this expectation of sex."

"I'm not surprised about Methuselah. He was sick for 430 years."

'Yes, all at once!'

'It's an extinction notice.'

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

"Darn autocorrect!"

43AD: Romans invade Britain.

'I don't care if it's a little storage room for King Tut, you still need a building permit and contractor's license.'

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

'Those were the days, eh Grandpa?'

Oedipus

"All right, let's clam up, everybody. Here comes another expedition."

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

"Poor dear, she's just discovered all these years she's been the muse for a plagiarist."

"Expedition log #57: Like the rest of the week, I expect today will be another uneventful day."

Pyramids exploding.

'We started the extension then the property market collapsed.'

Ancient Greek setting. Man at desk writing on scroll says: 'Yes, they're draconian measures ??" but then, I am Draco.'

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

"Now if it's a people-mover you're after..."

Easter Island Secret

'It seems a lot of trouble to go through just to sharpen a razor blade.'

"Nothing feels better after a long day's hunting than a nice, long soak in the hot-wheel."

'You'll like this book. It's all about imaginary people.'

"So we're agreed—free will exists, unless there are treats."

'Tarzan of the Kangaroos'

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

"It's a land flowing with milk and honey, with a small but lively arts district."

Carpe diem

Ancient Egyptian eye tests.

Egyptian Library: 'Every week you take out the same book, Anubis.'