Ancient Mysteries Gifts

"Stuff the artist never wanted anyone to see is in the back."

'Thanks. I've been needing one of those.'

"I've come across a rather disturbing find, Carstairs!"

"What does it mean? Heck, I don't know! It's mystifying!"

Stonehenge Explained

'Time machine materialises in Westminster Lord Lucan arrested'

"Stanley, this is a historic moment. We've discovered the world's longest kiss. Guinness Book of Records here we come!"

'The gods are perplexing.'

Police man stands guard at a murder scene in Egyptology department of a museum.

'- and what makes you think they must have been TALL?'

'Put that down your fool! It's a bone of contention.'

'At a guess I'd say it's one of the lesser Pharoahs.'

"Aha. . . the Sphinxter!"

Mummy Tourists

"Thousands of years from now, men will marvel at this and wonder how we did it."

Stonehens

'Roughly translated it says 'Can't remember the code to get into your pyramid? Call Pharaoh Locksmithing.'

"Hmm.... I think I'd better keep this to myself."

'No, not Cro-Magnon - something about it makes me think it's Neanderthal.'

I'm not convinced that the pyramids of Giza were built as tombs. Sure they were used as tombs, but for all we know, they were built far earlier by some other civilization, and the pharaohs just claimed credit for them. How do we know the pyramids weren't something far more high-tech, like for instance hydroelectric power generators for an advanced civilization? You tell me, how did you charge your cellphone back in 10,000 B.C.? Hydropower from the tears of dorks, here, let me show you ...

'Will you guys be quiet? These walls are trying to tell me something!'

'It's time you knew, Son -- you were abandoned here as a child by aliens.'

The Antiquary

Lost to antiquity.

'Some day, people will wonder what these goal posts were.'

Easter Island moai shake hands below the surface.

'Archaeologists discover the earliest ancient texts.'

The Forensic Paleontologist

Cat scratch fever

"Somehow, I feel that this site and Stonehenge are connected!"

'He was an evil king.'

'Hi, folks! -- I'm selling vacation time-shares in Atlantis.'

'Don't you have any maps of undiscovered secrets of ancient temples?'

'Do you really expect me to believe that this is what you've been doing for 30 years?'

"Sadly, no food was produced after they all became motivational speakers."