Ancient Antics Aficionados Gifts

"Atlas! We require a small sample."

'Shoot, this is nothing, you should have seen how good we had it back in ancient Egypt.'

"He was a sea rescue."

It's all gravy.

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

'The professor would have wanted it this way. He always was a breast man.'

For the last time, no, I have no wish to add a hotel to my odyssey. Why Odysseus didn't use a travel agent.

Cow puts salad dressing on grass.

'Have you done any stand-up?'

Chicken Coop Coup Mastermind Captured!

"I couldn't put in down boss. Hard hitting, straight to the point..sure to be a best seller."

"When I asked you of you were ready for this promotion, you flailed uncontrollably. Was that a lie?"

'Some days it's hard to keep one step ahead of them.'

'Uncle Oog isn't very smart, but he's a lot of fun to play horsie with.'

'Relax...I heard our opponents today are huge pussies.'

Dead Sea Trolls

Kid to kid: 'I had my sentence reduced to a couple of hours in my room.'

"You reckon Winterbottom is still in the clutches of that impossible female?"

'Wait -- what if the Canaanites want to convert?'

Raccoon Camp Nights

Litter tray cat.

Cat gets drunk from wine spilling into his food bowl.

Cat flap and mouse hole.

'Braille menu available upon request.'

"Attacking mail carriers, destroying gardens, fouling carpets, annoying neighbors. Impressive résumé, I must say."

At the age of sixteen, Waheeni tribesmen are sent alone into the jungle, to prove their manhood.

'We've just learned how to talk and the first thing they say is 'No'.'

Why one chicken in particular crossed the road.

"He's not fooling anyone..."

"Me hate capital gains tax!"

Cat shot from mouse hole.

'One hundred and two? She must be in heat!'

'Open your nostrils wide and sniff...?'

"Hey! Watch where you're going buddy!"