Amateur Theologians Gifts

"NOW are you ready to renounce your sinful ways?"

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

Priest

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

My mother says the bible is full of good people, like Moses, who brought kindness to the world. That alone makes it a worthy basis for morality in today's world. Moses, Numbers 31:9-18(NIV), look it up.

'We were kind of hoping to let our CONSCIENCE be our guide.'

Hot cross buns

BRAND-NEW OMG-STORY

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

Pre-nuptual Nativity

"Did you know that cats aren't mentioned anywhere in the Bible?"

Promised Land Signpost

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

"This wandering in the desert for forty years thing -- It IS allegorical, isn't it?"

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

''Born again'? -- but I was just born five years ago!'

30% Heredity, 70% Environment

"Blasphemy, yes, but it was funny."

'Oh, I understand -- with the 'coveting' part, we can get everybody!'

Peter explains to the Disciples what really happened.

The Venerable Bede

"...And when the Lord finished, she rested."

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

'Hey! - Do these make me the Aleph-male?'

'No, make the dominant race out of placental mammals — marsupials would lead to all kind of abortion controversies.'