Amateur Swimmer Gifts

"Ever since he got those goggles ..."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

"Oh boy, that was a huge belly-flop..."

"You're way too strong Dad: You've overshot the green by about two hundred metres..."

A man runs on the water from a shark.

Synchronized Diving: 10 & under division.

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

'Dad, can you teach me to swim?' 'Well, I'm not much of a swimmer, but I can teach you to tread water. I do that every day at work.'

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

'Honey, you can't keep running to Daddy every time you find a little bug or something in your pool!'

Becalmed yachts

Lapdogs

How swimmers look and feel after a long swim.

Swim meet - sharks vs. humans

The Tortoise and the Herring. Triathlon. I always knew that I'd pass him after the swimming portion of the race.

A mother wearing an inflatable duck leads her three children wearing inflatable ducks into the water

'Yeh it's just that I haven't been able to swim on my front,since my boob job.'

Lawyer, lawyer! Get out of the water!

'I've never done this before.'

'The swimmers line up for this, the final heat, and surprise, surprise, It's the dog paddle.'

The synchronized shower event.

A couple of polar bears enjoy their new swimming pool - a refurbished igloo . . .

'Want to go for a dip?'

"I rub my body with animal fat and swim around Manhattan."

'Yes, this is the deep end.'

Yes, well, when you're grown up and king, your castle can have an indoor heated moat.

'Seriously, your ululation is good enough for American Idol.'

Rip Taylor Tide

No petting in the pool!

"You've been saying we're getting an inground pool since we got married, and I gave up."

"A little high and inside."

'When I said shock the pool, I meant with chlorine!'