Amateur Singing Gifts

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

Randall couldn't wait to see what else the 'Magic Trash Can' could make disappear.

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

"Darling, I never realised how talented you weren't!"

"Well-done, alright?"

"If there is no more American Idol what am I going to do to become famous?"

Tenors

'In the interests of full disclosure, federal law now requires me to inform you that I own shares in the winery whose product I am serving this evening.'

Recipes.

"Still life with fruit and terribly drawn fish"

Pirate King

A singer being criticised

Young lady telling a young man he is not singing low enough.

"And this is our 'panic room'. We usually pop in here after watching the nightly news."

Man having picture of caught fish sees that cat has eaten it.

An association for the advancement of science on an excursion.

'And this is my dad. He's the wine critic for The Herald and he can drink your dads under the table.'

'People say I don't listen to other's opinions. That's not true, is it Binky?'

'Uh-oh, here comes the mike again. Cut the barbershop quartet and go back to mournful whistling.'

"Keep it up Kevin, you're really improving."

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

'Seriously, your ululation is good enough for American Idol.'

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

'I wonder if we strike wine again!'

"He sings for charity. He has to. Nobody offers to pay him."

'Sometimes I see problems and solutions with such clarity, I feel I've been infused with all the wisdom of the ages... THAT'S when I know I've had too much to drink.'

"That' was great - let's run though that again."

Spring Cleaning

Cows warming up.

Syd Barrett.

'For God's sake, Tom, just let her cry - I can't stand your singing any longer.'

"Wine and women are off but can sing as much as you like!"

"Dad, it's only a surveillance camera."

"The only thing that can save it now is a really bad glee club!!"