Amateur Cook Gifts

Recipes.

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

"Well-done, alright?"

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"First cook the cake, then apply icing sugar and candles..."

Too much cilantro

'Any wilderness skills besides making smores?'

'Why do I need to clean the fish? -- Didn't you just take them out of the WATER?'

"One more rinse and the inside of your car will be clean too, Dad."

"The instructions for the beer-making kit you gave me? Didn't need them -- I figured it out for myself. Drink up."

"Your meal sounded nice."

Moving in

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

'Enjoy your meal - but be warned we have a very bad tempered chef.'

When Tia Carmen says... "A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner" it means "I can fix it with a hammer."

Cat Cooking Bird.

"What's cookin', Tia Carmen?"

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

'You want to see a list of ingredients? -- Are you trying to make trouble?'

'I'm going to bake you a sponge cake...where do we keep the sponges?'

'The recipe said to simmer uncovered!'

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"Honey, I’ll take over. The stir-fry has suffered long enough."

"My compliments to Mummy!"

'I thought too many cooks spoiled the broth.'

'The casserole didn't make it.'

French man holding a dish.

"Damn, I forgot to get her kugel recipe."

"Hmmm ... either my steak knife is broken, or you cooked the heck out of this fillet."

"Despite countless assurances from his wife, mother and 'foodie' friends, Ed still did not trust the crock pot."

'It was embarrassing. I always swore I'd die of her cooking.'