Amateur Chefs Gifts

' Mum cooking is lousy to eat but it's great for bait!'

"... stearic acid, amylase, sodium stearoyl lactylate and — hold on. What in the world is C-I-L-A-N-T-R-O?"

'I thought too many cooks spoiled the broth.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"First cook the cake, then apply icing sugar and candles..."

Too much cilantro

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

'Why do I need to clean the fish? -- Didn't you just take them out of the WATER?'

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

"Your meal sounded nice."

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

'Enjoy your meal - but be warned we have a very bad tempered chef.'

Cat Cooking Bird.

'Cook is a musician. Improvises. Never makes the same thing twice.'

'You want to see a list of ingredients? -- Are you trying to make trouble?'

'I'm going to bake you a sponge cake...where do we keep the sponges?'

"The biggest mystery in my life is whether I get a peanut butter and jelly or a tuna fish sandwich!"

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

'Step 5. Call the Fire Department.'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

Recipes.

French bread

'The casserole didn't make it.'

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

"Honey, I’ll take over. The stir-fry has suffered long enough."

"I want you to be well in life, son...."

'It was embarrassing. I always swore I'd die of her cooking.'

'I could beat these eggs a lot easier if it weren't for all the shells.'

'Just call me Delia...'

"Hmmm ... either my steak knife is broken, or you cooked the heck out of this fillet."

"And when I get to this fancy French restaurant, will they be glad to see me?"