Amateur Cook Pillows

Recipes.

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"First cook the cake, then apply icing sugar and candles..."

Too much cilantro

'Any wilderness skills besides making smores?'

'Why do I need to clean the fish? -- Didn't you just take them out of the WATER?'

"The instructions for the beer-making kit you gave me? Didn't need them -- I figured it out for myself. Drink up."

Moving in

"Your meal sounded nice."

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

When Tia Carmen says... "A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner" it means "I can fix it with a hammer."

'Enjoy your meal - but be warned we have a very bad tempered chef.'

Cat Cooking Bird.

'You want to see a list of ingredients? -- Are you trying to make trouble?'

"What's cookin', Tia Carmen?"

'I'm going to bake you a sponge cake...where do we keep the sponges?'

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"Honey, I’ll take over. The stir-fry has suffered long enough."

'I thought too many cooks spoiled the broth.'

'The casserole didn't make it.'

"My compliments to Mummy!"

French man holding a dish.

"Damn, I forgot to get her kugel recipe."

"Hmmm ... either my steak knife is broken, or you cooked the heck out of this fillet."

'It was embarrassing. I always swore I'd die of her cooking.'

"And when I get to this fancy French restaurant, will they be glad to see me?"

"Despite countless assurances from his wife, mother and 'foodie' friends, Ed still did not trust the crock pot."