Alumni Aspirant Gifts

"Part of the old boy network?"

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'Why not take some time off after high school...travel a bit...get a job...make some money...pay your own way through college.'

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

'But Marvin, you can't be a college graduate for a living!'

'I told you I'd make you a star.'

"The extent of your extracurricular activities in high school, may very well be participation in regular program of oral hygiene using an effective decay preventaative tooth paste, but that won't get you into a good university."

"This is the little league. You can't negotiate a signing bonus"

'Okay, let's negotiate. Just how good do I have to be?'

"So, you're staying in then?"

Gracie goes over to the college recruitment tent at a carnival.

"Attention, please. At 8:45 A.M. on Tuesday, July 29, 2008, you are all scheduled to take the New York State Bar Exam."

"Finally! Summer is here! That means we're one year closer to college!"

'I'm sorry but we don't have athletic scholarships for video games.'

Pygmy giant squid

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

How was your college tour? Good. Now I need straight A's and 375 extracurriculars to get in. You're exaggerating. Easy for you to say. You've got a 4.0. Yeah, but

No, it does still fit! This is exactly how it fit in college.

"If you didn't want to feel inferior to your classmates, you shouldn't have gone to such a good school."

'We're think Law, since he can already read fine print at a college level.'

"Who do you want to sue when you grow up?"

"Well, I think it's good that he wants to go to university."

Unpublished Authors of the Big Bangs Theory

"While we certainly congratulate you on your acceptance to the University of Hawaii, Sandra..."

"Papi, I'm planning my future. How much money do you have in my college fund?"

"I'm kind of considered the Jimmy Page of the clarinet world."

'I don't believe in pressuring my son. When the time is right, he'll arrive at the universal default choice and apply to law school.'

'Remember, your success in life will be measure by how much you donate to your Alma Mater...'

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

"Someone must have read about me in the financial pages. My college alumni fund in contacting me twice a week."

'They're not just going to GIVE you a Nobel Peace Prize -- you have to FIGHT for it!'

'I'd like to go to law school, but I guess I'm destined to become a frog.'

"You'll like this place: they play old skool house."