Alumni Advocate Gifts

'Remember, your success in life will be measure by how much you donate to your Alma Mater...'

"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

'We'd like to form a support group for homework anxiety.'

"There are no dumb questions, Billy, but there are plenty of dumb answers!"

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

"SUPERintendent! What kind of powers do you have?"

The Boy Who Wanted To Be A Lawyer - "Father Desmond, we need an exorcism."

"Sorry, but no. I can't lend you a student to help clean up your yard."

"The good news is, the children in the district have strong writing skills. The bad news is, we have sustained a letter-writing campaign from the third grade."

'See, this is proof that your criticism of our educational system is right on!'

"I hope that this is just a riot of passage."

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

The Cheddar College for Extra Mature Students

'May I be excused? The pressure is getting to me.'

'Whoa! We sure blew that prediction!'

'And remember you success will be measured by how much money you donate to the universities alumni fund.'

"It was a surprise. The college alumni solicitation letters never stop, even here!"

"Mrs Hill, I'm calling to tell you that you got an F on Stewie's history essay..."

"Our final honorary doctorate goes to John P. Lind, who kicked in three million clams for a chem lab."

'My teacher says I'm an underachiever, but I think she's an overexpecter.'

'Well you can't fault his coursework, but I can't help thinking that he still has a few unresolved personal issues!'

"Society's failed you, son - 6 times to be exact�"

Standardized Testing Is My Friend

"It's another one of those ruddy lecturers, sarge."

"Of course we have disinvited Chelsea Manning to be a fellow. Since the surgery, she's no long a fellow, is she?"

'I thought they told you that any donation, no matter how small, would be greatly appreciated.'

"It's a broken education system when the only solution is more and more homework."

Ice Bucket Challenge

UCU University Lecturer's Strike

"Someone must have read about me in the financial pages. My college alumni fund in contacting me twice a week."

Why the ice bucket challenge isn't for everyone.

"You call this a resume? The school you graduated from lost every football and basketball game this year."

Student Loan Interest Rates.