Alumni Fundraiser Gifts

"It was a surprise. The college alumni solicitation letters never stop, even here!"

"We only got six days of funding."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

"He says he wants to see the actual brick he donated."

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'Al, this is Jack. He's with the Committee to Eliminate the Board of Education. Jack, this is Al. He's with the Committee to Increase Funding for the Board of Education.'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

The nonprofit dog fight.

'Sorry - I only donate big.'

"What are we doing wrong?"

'I'm getting a head start for Movember.'

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

'You talk about her so much. Why don't you invite that Alma Mater of yours to dinner sometime?'

'Please help, ma'am. I need support to write my Ph.D. dissertation on 'Successful fund-raising techniques'.'

'Evolution may be a good idea, but how will we FUND it?'

"I do a lot for charity but I don't like to talk about it. . ."

Professional Fund Riasers

'Profit or non-profit?'

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

Appeals

The Fun Run.

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fund raiser."

'So then the alien stepped out of the UFO and said that he was a fundraiser from another planet, which was quite novel, I thought.'

"I am not a candidate. Just ask my campaign manager, press aides and fund raisers."

'You'll have to excuse my husband - he's got compassion fatigue.'

'Evolution may be a good idea, but how will we FUND it?'

Birth of the Perpetual Fundraising Industry.

"It's meatloaf. We didn't make our Kickstarter goal for steak."