University Advocate Gifts

"It's another one of those ruddy lecturers, sarge."

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

Type A Freshman - changed courses four times, got a job, organized a protest, quit the job, plans to take second semester abroad.

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

'We'd like to form a support group for homework anxiety.'

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

Staff Yearbook

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

'Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Snoopy - do you have a stamp commemorating an educational leader?'

The Janitor at the Harvard University Alumni Reunion is one of the Gang.

Another shot heard round the world.

What must every 5 paragraph essay contain? 5 paragraphs! For the last 18 years, some wise guy says that as if no one's heard it before. Congratulations. Who was this year's Mr. Predictable? You're wrong, Mr. K. A girl said it. Wow! Another triumph for women's equality in my classroom.

"There are no dumb questions, Billy, but there are plenty of dumb answers!"

'If school is so important, why isn't it on television?'

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And let such sacrilege go uncontested? Never! I demand equal time for alternate explanations of things.'

'So feared her prince may turn back into a frog so she went to college and earned a degree in finance, just in case.'

'It may not be a great report card but it beat the street expectations.'

Gold versus Knowledge

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

"SUPERintendent! What kind of powers do you have?"

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

Good writing is good thinking

"I'd say hi to my favorite teacher, but I think she's enjoying some quiet remote-from-us learning."

'Man! I wish I'd finished college.'

Uranium, heavy water? Where on the web did you say you got the plans for this birdhouse?

Piorities in Minnesota.

'Education is very important. Let's go buy three liters of books so we can learn!'

'There's more than one kind of deficit.'