Higher Education Advocate Gifts

'Please help, ma'am. I need support to write my Ph.D. dissertation on 'Successful fund-raising techniques'.'

Relax! The college process need not be stressful! Staying calm actually helps your child cope. Parents' night. Top colleges are brutally competitive. Even state universities are rejecting excellent students. I'm relaxed. Me too!

"Hey! Mine is a list of debt counselors."

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

Continuing education.

Interdisciplinary studies.

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

All Hail the Matriarchy

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

'We'd like to form a support group for homework anxiety.'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

Common Core Family Therapy

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

Staff Yearbook

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

Football team discussions.

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Snoopy - do you have a stamp commemorating an educational leader?'

'I have an MBA, but I've never MBAed.'

What must every 5 paragraph essay contain? 5 paragraphs! For the last 18 years, some wise guy says that as if no one's heard it before. Congratulations. Who was this year's Mr. Predictable? You're wrong, Mr. K. A girl said it. Wow! Another triumph for women's equality in my classroom.

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And let such sacrilege go uncontested? Never! I demand equal time for alternate explanations of things.'

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."