Education Advocate Gifts

'...how are you ever going to text.'

The Berlitz Guide to Parent-Teacher Conferences

"Hmm...I think we can include the drug awareness program, the anti-bullying initiative, sex-ed instruction and values awareness, but we're going to have to cut math, reading and science."

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

First addition, then subtraction, then multiplication, and now this! Where is it all going to end?"

In-Service Seminars for Teachers

Underage pregnancy.

'I presume you're the substitute teacher?'

'Yes, I am bilingual. I speak English and Computerese.'

"You lie!!"

'Take this mission statement back to the committee and tell them to rework it. I'd like it to mention education.'

'We're thinking of settling down here -- do you folks have bilingual education?'

'My name is Phylis O'Furr. My students call me Miss Philosopher, because I tell them that inside every 'D' student is an 'A' student trying to get out.'

"I don't know cursive and you don't know emoji. I'd say that makes us even."

'My class can't wait to start multiplication. I made them sign a pledge never to use it for evil purposes.'

'Yes, I did accept an apple from my third-grader, Billy Smith, but there was no quid-pro-quo.'

'Today, class, we learn how to divide 25 books among 34 students.'

I can't read but I have excellent Television viewing skills

"No, I'm not in trouble. My mom's here being tutored so she can help men in Common Core math."

'Ask mom for Paulo's Alphabet Soup, Tell her it's educational,'

'We need to learn this just incase our calculators or computers are down, right?'

PTA Meeting Tonight: Parents,Teachers,Attorneys

'Don't worry about Tommy. 5 out of 3 kids his age can't do fractions.'

"Maybe you're not underemployed - maybe you're just overeducated."

Educators try to keep public education away from school vouchers and charter schools.

'Can we 'dumb it down' a bit, Mrs. Whipplemore?'

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

Shark to fish about school of fish: 'School of choice.'

'Tsk! I don't recall reading anything about that!'

"How much is that in years of tuition?"

"That's true, Jeffrey, but you're missing the point."

School board inquisitor asking a man if his children attend school

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

'No offense, but by the time we're in the job market, won't that stuff be obsolete?'

'If your parents want you excused from tomorrow's film on pollination, you'll need a note from home.'