Academic Advocate Gifts

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

"SUPERintendent! What kind of powers do you have?"

Standardized Testing Is My Friend

"Of course we have disinvited Chelsea Manning to be a fellow. Since the surgery, she's no long a fellow, is she?"

UCU University Lecturer's Strike

"Mrs Hill, I'm calling to tell you that you got an F on Stewie's history essay..."

Trial by Media

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

Thank you, Essential Workers

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

Slavery Reparations

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

'We'd like to form a support group for homework anxiety.'

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

Detention Center

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

Your Message on Your T-Shirt: 'Do As You Are Told!'

Staff Yearbook

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

The problem is, too many people aren't the least bit particular about their arrows.

'Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Snoopy - do you have a stamp commemorating an educational leader?'

Another shot heard round the world.

'If school is so important, why isn't it on television?'

Human Rights for All

"They're class action figures."

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And let such sacrilege go uncontested? Never! I demand equal time for alternate explanations of things.'