Alumni Representative Gifts

'Hi, I'm from your alumni assocation, and I'm wondering if you'd care to share your loot...'

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

"And, if elected, I promise to put more black people in cartoons."

'If you're worried what to say you do for a living at your reunion, just tell them you recently bought a large stake in a local brewery.'

'You talk about her so much. Why don't you invite that Alma Mater of yours to dinner sometime?'

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

"Uh-oh. I think they're having a Bryn Mawr moment."

'Whoa! We sure blew that prediction!'

'And remember you success will be measured by how much money you donate to the universities alumni fund.'

"It was a surprise. The college alumni solicitation letters never stop, even here!"

"Ogden, could you pull a string and get me one of those pictures of you naked at Yale?"

'So you want a transfer from light fittings.'

'Remember, your success in life will be measure by how much you donate to your Alma Mater...'

"Some commentators say one of the political parties needs a Hispanic vice president candidate."

'I thought they told you that any donation, no matter how small, would be greatly appreciated.'

"Someone must have read about me in the financial pages. My college alumni fund in contacting me twice a week."

'All the indications are that todays graduates are far more aware of the value in the market place.'

'Spreadbury! Never forget a face - 1957! Gave you a beating... good old school days, eh? Spreaders?'

"You call this a resume? The school you graduated from lost every football and basketball game this year."

"Part of the old boy network?"

'I had just assumed the college alumni solicitation letters would stop up here.'

"We're lucky the Peace Corps sent us a Princeton man."

"You'll like this place: they play old skool house."

My University's Fundraising Department

Class reunion of money and talent.

"Baldo, this show is for special entertainers...people who reach millions every day, who tell stories, who make you smile, who make you think..."

"I just can't shake the alumni newsletter."