Alumni Recollector Gifts

"I just can't shake the alumni newsletter."

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

'If you're worried what to say you do for a living at your reunion, just tell them you recently bought a large stake in a local brewery.'

'You talk about her so much. Why don't you invite that Alma Mater of yours to dinner sometime?'

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

Army general with a support for his medals.

Peter Green, 1946-2020

No, it does still fit! This is exactly how it fit in college.

'And remember you success will be measured by how much money you donate to the universities alumni fund.'

"Oh, darling, whatever happens- ever- I know I'm probably always going to remember this as one of my happiest marriages."

"It was a surprise. The college alumni solicitation letters never stop, even here!"

"Cool, what's it say?"

"Ogden, could you pull a string and get me one of those pictures of you naked at Yale?"

Graduation.

'I thought they told you that any donation, no matter how small, would be greatly appreciated.'

'Remember, your success in life will be measure by how much you donate to your Alma Mater...'

I'm not interested in buying new technology. What's wrong with me? Don't worry. I went through a brief period in college where I wasn't attracted to women. I didn't want to date or even have flings. It was a dark, horrible abyss that felt like it would never, ever end! How is this helping? Red Maxim repeatedly until it passes.

In Memory of What's-his-name.

"I shall always remember this church for 3 things - aisle, altar, hymn!"

"Someone must have read about me in the financial pages. My college alumni fund in contacting me twice a week."

'Spreadbury! Never forget a face - 1957! Gave you a beating... good old school days, eh? Spreaders?'

"What's the earliest memory you have, Armstrong?" "Well... I was very, very young..." "Everything was dark. I was in some sort of liquid and there was a flexible, hose-like thing connecting my belly button to some sort of sack that was enveloping me. I heard a woman's beautiful muffled voice singing 'Row row row your boat, gently down the stream, merrily merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream.' And I decided then and there I would one day corner the boat market." "Very. Bad. Man."

"You call this a resume? The school you graduated from lost every football and basketball game this year."

'I had just assumed the college alumni solicitation letters would stop up here.'

"You'll like this place: they play old skool house."

"We're lucky the Peace Corps sent us a Princeton man."

My University's Fundraising Department

'Look Darling, it's Crazy Eddie from University. He hasn't changed a bit.'

Army general with a mobile made of medals.

'Hi, I'm from your alumni assocation, and I'm wondering if you'd care to share your loot...'

Class reunion of money and talent.