Alumni Relations Gifts

'And remember you success will be measured by how much money you donate to the universities alumni fund.'

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

My University's Fundraising Department

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

'If you're worried what to say you do for a living at your reunion, just tell them you recently bought a large stake in a local brewery.'

'You talk about her so much. Why don't you invite that Alma Mater of yours to dinner sometime?'

I'm forgetting which college is which. Their brochures are all alike. University of. It's always fall or spring. Apply! There's always a multi-cultural group of kids hanging out. There's always a girl in goggles working in a science lab with an ethnic-looking prof. It's reassuring. They all celebrate their diversity in the exact same way! And charge the exact same for it!

Principal: 'Is THERE a DOCTORATE in the House?!'

"Uh-oh. I think they're having a Bryn Mawr moment."

No, it does still fit! This is exactly how it fit in college.

'..And remember, your success will be measured in how much you donate to the university's alumni fund.'

'Whoa! We sure blew that prediction!'

"It was a surprise. The college alumni solicitation letters never stop, even here!"

"Ogden, could you pull a string and get me one of those pictures of you naked at Yale?"

'I thought they told you that any donation, no matter how small, would be greatly appreciated.'

'Remember, your success in life will be measure by how much you donate to your Alma Mater...'

"No, these are the community's complaints."

'According to this, we don't get any clout until we're alumni.'

"Someone must have read about me in the financial pages. My college alumni fund in contacting me twice a week."

'Spreadbury! Never forget a face - 1957! Gave you a beating... good old school days, eh? Spreaders?'

"You call this a resume? The school you graduated from lost every football and basketball game this year."

'I had just assumed the college alumni solicitation letters would stop up here.'

"You'll like this place: they play old skool house."

"We're lucky the Peace Corps sent us a Princeton man."

'Hi, I'm from your alumni assocation, and I'm wondering if you'd care to share your loot...'

Class reunion of money and talent.

'I can't associate with known criminals? -- Well, there goes my class reunion.'

"Let's handle this the way neighbors do in an adversarial society such as ours...litigate."

"I just can't shake the alumni newsletter."