Alumni Aspirant T-Shirts

"Part of the old boy network?"

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'Why not take some time off after high school...travel a bit...get a job...make some money...pay your own way through college.'

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

'I told you I'd make you a star.'

'But Marvin, you can't be a college graduate for a living!'

"The extent of your extracurricular activities in high school, may very well be participation in regular program of oral hygiene using an effective decay preventaative tooth paste, but that won't get you into a good university."

"This is the little league. You can't negotiate a signing bonus"

'Okay, let's negotiate. Just how good do I have to be?'

"So, you're staying in then?"

Gracie goes over to the college recruitment tent at a carnival.

"Attention, please. At 8:45 A.M. on Tuesday, July 29, 2008, you are all scheduled to take the New York State Bar Exam."

"Finally! Summer is here! That means we're one year closer to college!"

'I'm sorry but we don't have athletic scholarships for video games.'

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

Pygmy giant squid

"If you didn't want to feel inferior to your classmates, you shouldn't have gone to such a good school."

Unpublished Authors of the Big Bangs Theory

"Well, I think it's good that he wants to go to university."

"While we certainly congratulate you on your acceptance to the University of Hawaii, Sandra..."

'We're think Law, since he can already read fine print at a college level.'

'Remember, your success in life will be measure by how much you donate to your Alma Mater...'

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

"I'm kind of considered the Jimmy Page of the clarinet world."

'I don't believe in pressuring my son. When the time is right, he'll arrive at the universal default choice and apply to law school.'

"Papi, I'm planning my future. How much money do you have in my college fund?"

"Someone must have read about me in the financial pages. My college alumni fund in contacting me twice a week."

'I'd like to go to law school, but I guess I'm destined to become a frog.'

'They're not just going to GIVE you a Nobel Peace Prize -- you have to FIGHT for it!'

"You'll like this place: they play old skool house."

"We're lucky the Peace Corps sent us a Princeton man."