Alternative Historians Gifts

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.

WHAT IF ? 'Oh, oh, Columbus, lawyers!'

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

They're Not Just That Into It

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

Inside One's Memory Bank

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

'Rehab centre' "I'm addicted to Irvine Welsh"

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

The Evolution Of Man.

Arthur Schopenhauer

"Let's have some fun kids, he says, let's play Easter Island."

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

"De l'huile bouillante, pas du fromage fondu!"

The Great Leap Forward

This Is What Moral Corruption Looks Like

"Plagiarist!"

"That's my dad back when he was, like, militarized."

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

Aluminium Henge

The Brief collaboration Alfred Nobel And Thomas Edison

'Could you carve the Commandments in stone? -- otherwise they'll think I made them up.'

Eye Off the Ball

Look, Oog and Whonk just invented the intersection.

Uncle Mort, you fought in Korea, right? You think that war will start up again? Not if I can help it. It was the morning of July 27, nineteen hundred and fifty-three. I was pinned down on Pork Chop Hill. My bazooka had run out of ammo. All I could find to load into it was a stuffed panda bear. I loaded it and fired that bear into the maw of the enemy. It struck one of them atop the noggin. Moments later, the armistice was signed. Every July 27th, I awaken at dawn and chuck that same panda at the

'Let your people go? - after all the trouble I went to getting them full employment?'

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

"Remember when, on the Internet, nobody knew who you were?"

The first 'outside the box' thinker.

'One advantage of living through the plagues and wars of the 14th century was that you didn't have to study Chaucer.'

"Don't you sometimes worry that if they do give us our stuff back we'll lose some of the sense of grievance that's so crucial to our cultural identity?"

John McCain, pre-RIP