Alien Theorist T-Shirts

'Of course we're not going to experiment on you. We needed another hand for our bridge game.'

I knew we didn't have enough blocks for this thing.'

'Remember when the authorities were notified when we were spotted? Now nobody cares. They think we're drones.'

"Flying saucer-shaped unidentified cigar"

Pentagon Science Contest: '...It's a contest by the pentagon. They're gonna pay out half a million bucks to someone who comes up with the best idea on how people could travel to another solar system.'

Levi discovers the secret behind flying saucers, as well as how the Gods spend much of their recreation time.

Sun Times: UFO Sighting Hoax

'You may find a few things have evolved since we abducted you for our research.'

'Take me to your computer.'

Neanderthal Cave Art Discovered

"You're quite the pick up artist!"

Alien Shopping List: Milk, Bread, Bin Bags, Earthling.

"Something very big buried a lot of bones here."

"You left this on our ship."

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

Alien Assumption

Elevator Music

"I've been genetically modified!"

"There's a cure—but it's light-years away."

'Take me to your auto body shop.'

'Sorry, I'm a stranger here myself.'

"Shoulda brought the weed."

Dustbin monster.

'If this drilling goes on they are going to find my stash of Martian Dollars I buried as a hedge against inflation.'

UFO and snowman

Crop Circle: Meet the Author

Robot Attack in Bath

We've been coming here for decades, but I still don't understand their idea that the richest person is the one with the most money.

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

'...and then these two-eyed creatures took me from my spaceship to a four-wheeled vehicle. Nobody believes me. But you do, don't you doc?'

"How's it going with the human cloning?"

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

"Take us to your most influential power couple."

Any news on that star that might have a Dyson sphere around it? Nothing new. I mean, they discovered the star's probably been dimming ever since 1890, which could lend credence to the notion an alien race has been building a Dyson sphere. By they discovered that a few months ago. There's been nothing since then, so ... whatever. Must be nothing there. They should do a study to see how long it takes your attention span to dim. What? Why? What're we talking about?

'Your resume certainly includes a lot of UFO abductions....'