Airport Security Fans Gifts

"Are you carrying currency or monetary instruments of $ 10,000 U.S. or foreign equivelant?"

UK border controls relaxed.

'Do you have any specific regulations concerning travelling with pets?'

"Passengers, as we begin our descent, you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

"Cancel the trip. The cook didn't get a visa."

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

Safest Airline in The World

Don't look know, but I think you're being Googled.

"He keeps touching me!"

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

'They're out there, they swallow your stuff, and who're you gonna call?'

Couple putting baby through the scanner.

"I need a vacation. Everything is starting to smell like a bomb to me."

'We'd like to start by boarding anyone with hot food they've been waiting to eat on the plane.'

'Welcome to America'

'I'm sorry sir, but that slide rule exceeds the allowable length for a sharp object, unless, of course, you can manage to fold it.'

'Due to budget cuts, all agents will now be equipped with x-ray glasses.'

'You're right, good joke, bad timing...'

"Well that's just great!! I guess we really are flightless birds now!!"

Airport traffic

"I think we're named after computer passwords."

"Just barking will do."

It's 'safety first' for Gary the goat.

"And did you pack this bag yourself, sir?"

"Where aren't you going to?"

Hawaiian Airways: No Ukulele playing beyond this point.

The President Is Unhinged Yet We Aren't All Dead Yet and That's Kind of Amazing

"What do you have to do to get business class?"

"The sniffer dog had found cocaine again."

Not expected to pass through Customs...

Alfredo the knife thrower's first air trip.

'Sure, it's an improvement. But I guess we'll need to get to the airport a lot earlier from now on...'

'Not so fast, Louie -- this may be a trap...'

Attention: MILE HIGH CLUBBERS - Security Cameras in Restrooms.