Airport Chaos Gifts

"Where aren't you going to?"

Airport Security.

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

The Headless Horseman claims his luggage.

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.

'We don't charge you any extra, but we will hate you,'

The Problem with the TSA

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

Baggage Reclaim

"The sniffer dog had found cocaine again."

'Don't worry, I have this procedure down pat.'

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

"Bad news. Our luggage went to the same place my old job did."

"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

Uh Oh...

Lost Baggage Claims

Airport Pickups: Mr. Baines, Vinny and Daisy.

'Boss, the techies didn't install this body scanner correctly. It doesn't work.'

"This would be a lot easier if we all didn't look alike"

"No luggage."

Santa Security Check

'If she bites, you've got 18 seconds to suck the poison out,'

"The shoes."

'Attention, Flight 1362...In our customer Lounge we're showing a short film: 'Blooper Reels of Strip Searches' to help pass the time...'

Animals going through security before boarding Noah's Ark.