Airport Chaos Pillows

"Where aren't you going to?"

Airport Security.

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

The Headless Horseman claims his luggage.

'We don't charge you any extra, but we will hate you,'

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.

The Problem with the TSA

'Did you Gack this suitcase yourself, sir?'

Airport Security. Sir, one of your tubs is empty. That one's got my dignity!

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

Baggage Reclaim

"The sniffer dog had found cocaine again."

'Don't worry, I have this procedure down pat.'

Two witches at airport waiting with signs: One says 'Dorothy' and the other one says 'And Your Little Dog Too!'

"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

"Bad news. Our luggage went to the same place my old job did."

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

Uh Oh...

"No luggage."

Security Guards Escort Cupid Away

'Boss, the techies didn't install this body scanner correctly. It doesn't work.'

Airport Pickups: Mr. Baines, Vinny and Daisy.

Lost Baggage Claims

Carr. Smith. Pepper Oni. Gate.

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! My family reunion is in Bermuda this year. But I hate flying. Ever since they started poking and prodding and x-raying and de-shoe-ung us, I swore I'd only go places to which I could drive. Are you using post-9/11 security enhancements as an excuse to avoid spending time with your annoying relatives? Because if so, I salute you. I will not be fondled by the TSA just to watch Aunt Bertha do the Electric Slide.

"This would be a lot easier if we all didn't look alike"

Santa Security Check

'If she bites, you've got 18 seconds to suck the poison out,'

'Attention, Flight 1362...In our customer Lounge we're showing a short film: 'Blooper Reels of Strip Searches' to help pass the time...'

Dog scan.