Airplane Noise Navigator Gifts

I'm near the airport.

The Life of Pi

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

'Never mind that. I think I've just discovered a new planet!'

"I scream! You scream! I can't stop the screaming!"

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

Excess Baggage: Fans of 'Deregulation' and the 'Free Market' probably have not had to buy a plane ticket recently.

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"We tried 'Baby Mozart,' but he prefers 'Baby John Cage.'"

Noisy energy?

'Which one is named after me?'

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

Dog thumping tail on floor, man below thumping ceiling with broom.

'In my experience, life is good most of the time, but come the holidays, they look at me as if I'm a nuisance...'

'I hate running in the outside lane.'

Cop gives ASBO to cockerel: 'This of this as a cock-a-doodle-don't.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

"Today's flight is overbooked. Is there someone who would accept a free travel voucher in return for teaching us how to correctly book a flight?"

'Look, honey, the baby's got your mouth.'

"Why haven't noise cancelling headphones been invented yet?"

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

'Yes, I know. But my boarding pass clearly says 'B4'!'

'I love looking at the stars. I think of us as celestial paparazzi.'

"Well, that's just great! I guess pigs don't fly after all!"

Number Phobia.

'I've had a report of a peeping tom.'

"I see you didn't purchase ANY leg room"

I'm beginning to regret the hearing aids.

"Sorry Capt., but it's a pretty bad termite infestation..."

'Look, it's the constellation 'Skipper the frisbee catching dog'!'

All gates.

'...I think I found Ursa Major.'

"I was going to go to the other slop trough, but the music's always too loud."

Things You Should Know About...

Airport Security. Sir, one of your tubs is empty. That one's got my dignity!