Air Force Officer Gifts

"Sh-h-h. I think I hear something."

Speed Limit Enforced from Aircraft.

A pilot flies a kite.

"Sir, I've been debriefed, deprogrammed and debugged. May I go home now?"

"Clausewitz and Sun Tzu are great, but my best strategic plans come from Pinterest."

'Walter isn't truly happy unless he's bombing some country.'

'Looks like the Flying Corpse.'

'Why do you always get to be the tanks?'

'What'll it be . . . too large or too small?'

Army recruitment office with a man outside reading a sign: Now Taking Orders for Xmas

"Why, yes it is for gallantry - I didn't use any sick days for an entire year."

"I read War and Peace, liked 1/2 of it."

Servicemen.

Fighter Jet Sneeze

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

When laundry ruled the waves.

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

The Dubloon Stops Here

Sailor in Car.

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

"Hey, dad. We wanna play army before we go to bed. Can we have our toy medals back?"

'Sweet! Let's break it open and see what it is!'

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

In a cycle - one bucket out, one bucket in.

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

'Any wilderness skills besides making smores?'

'General, please hire large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny.'

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

'At ease, soldier.'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

Ishmael's First Day on the Pequod was Full of Surprises: "A harpoon!? Don't you practice catch and release?"

AI Safety Officer

"He wanted a heavily decorated cake for his birthday."

'Oops! Sorry! I should've said, 'buckle your seat belts'!'