Agrarian Humorist Gifts

'Were you out drinking last night?'

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

UK/US Free Trade Deal

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

No-Work Orange

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Trump! The Musical

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

'Poll results are in...90% of Americans can't spell Schwarzenneger.'

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

Spot the Difference - God/Uncle Sam

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'I'm collecting manure for my strawberries.' The woman says, 'I always put cream and sugar on mine.'

'We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, except for Hancock... who smells bad...'

Uncle Donnie

"Static cling."

"Look! Other people. We'll have to develop a foreign policy!"

Preliminary Price Tag: $5,000,000,000

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

"Beware of Don"

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'