Aging With Zest Gifts

"Bad boys don't die. They just ride in to the sunset!"

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Ed's receding hairline!

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

Parts Department

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

Aging Problems

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

"I can Botox it, but I don’t want to freeze up my sixth chakra."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

"It's too late for a nose job and too early for a face-lift."

"They never told us what carrying twenty times our own weight would do to our knees."

'If it weren't for my calcium deposits, I'd be broke.'

'I hate to break this to you, Clark, but your buns of steel have turned to jello.'

Baldness Facts

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"You'll see - when you get older, parts start to sag."

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

Warning: Contents may settle over time.