Aging Ace Gifts

'Good memory. Now turn around and let's try it again. I've put the chart on the opposite wall since your last visit.'

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"How are people at my reunion going to recognize me? I look in the mirror and even I don't recognize me."

Psychiatry. Why do you think you're living on borrowed time? Because time is money!

Baldness Facts

'You can tell when you're getting older when your ears are hairier than your head!'

Middle Age Spread.

Aging Support Group

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"Trust me kiddo, even donkey's years fly by way too fast..."

"Remember, you're only as old as your peel."

Breast Height Chart

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Ed's receding hairline!

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

Yahoo! What's that about? She got into the college of her choice. Which college is it? Not sure. She chose to apply to 37. West Fester High School.

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

Don't have a hot flush....

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

Ins and Outs of Sex Therapy

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"They never told us what carrying twenty times our own weight would do to our knees."

This morning I found a thin hair growing out of my knuckle. And so it ends. Your virility, your potential, your conviction, your magnetism, your youth itself

"You'll see - when you get older, parts start to sag."