Aging Gracefully Club Pillows

How to injury yourself as an adult

'I have to face it Irma, I haven't laid an egg in a week now: I'm menopausal...'

'Huh. Listen to this. 'While our eyes remain the same size, our noses and ears continue to grow throughout our lives.''

'I thought that we would grow old gracefully together, but Bruce has to get 'pumping iron' out of his system first.'

'Actually, you're not having a midlife crises. It's a .723 life crises.'

When you get older everything is a bother...

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Multi-Generational Books

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

Parts Department

"Iggy Pop? More like Iggy Grandpop."

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

Aging Problems

"Sitting on a beanbag doesn't take me back to the seventies- it just makes me wonder how I'm ever going to get up again."

"I noticed a few browns."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"You're right, they are statins."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

"I come from the future."