Aging Gracefully Club Gifts

How to injury yourself as an adult

'I have to face it Irma, I haven't laid an egg in a week now: I'm menopausal...'

"Face it, Herb, you're a bald eagle..."

'Huh. Listen to this. 'While our eyes remain the same size, our noses and ears continue to grow throughout our lives.''

'I thought that we would grow old gracefully together, but Bruce has to get 'pumping iron' out of his system first.'

'Actually, you're not having a midlife crises. It's a .723 life crises.'

When you get older everything is a bother...

Old basketball players never die. . . they just pick and roll.

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

Multi-Generational Books

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

Parts Department

"We REALLY do get better with age."

"I noticed a few browns."

"Sitting on a beanbag doesn't take me back to the seventies- it just makes me wonder how I'm ever going to get up again."

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

Aging Problems

"Iggy Pop? More like Iggy Grandpop."

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."