Aging Gracefully Champion Pillows

Old Karate Master

'So June, do you think we should get a stairlift or just move to a bungalow...because, let's face it, we're getting on and here will come a point...when you won't be able to carry me up the stairs anymore.'

'I'm at the point in life where I don't care about the past, I live in the moment.'

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

'Sure, you get wrinkles...but your eyesight goes, so you can't actually see 'em!'

'I used to live for the moment, but now I'm comfortable waiting 3 to 5 business days.'

'I want some that are past their best for her fiftieth birthday.'

You know you're getting old... when your barber spends more time on your eyebrows and ears than on the hairs on your head.

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

Multi-Generational Books

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'Man...You age great!'

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

An old man exercising with hourglasses

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Parts Department

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"Sitting on a beanbag doesn't take me back to the seventies- it just makes me wonder how I'm ever going to get up again."

Aging Problems

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"I noticed a few browns."

"Iggy Pop? More like Iggy Grandpop."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'