Aging Acrobat Gifts

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

Gary turns 40.

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

'Will you marry me, Gloria?'

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

Baldness Facts

Translating . . . poetry.

"It's a stream of consciousness novel like 'Ulysses' I just sort of sat down and wrote it without even thinking of a plot have you had drink I', going to get a seat where do you come from it's hot in here I like blue do you like blue..."

"It's the first week of school and already I have a 10-page report due tomorrow!"

"If I didn't worry all the time what would I do with myself?"

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

"This isn't bad. Ten per cent all A's."

"I can't tell if Ed is taking a long time to line up his shot... Or if he fell asleep again!"

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

"You've still got it Joao."

Middle Age Spread.

"It's male pattern osteoporosis."

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

I'm not sure when I can help you. It's not easy getting parts for you anymore

'But Mum, I've got to practise if I want to join a circus when I grow up!'

Antiques

"That's just the meds kicking in."

'You can try, but once they're past forty, you can't teach them new tricks.'

"I must be getting old, my feet hurt even before I get out of bed in the morning!"

"Whenever someone scoffs at dreaming the impossible dream, I tell them to think of Bloomingdale's –the way it was long, long ago, and the way it is now."