Aged-to-perfection Advocate Pillows

"Somehow, you saying that 50 is the new 40 doesn't cheer me up!"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

Ed's receding hairline!

"We REALLY do get better with age."

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

"Sitting on a beanbag doesn't take me back to the seventies- it just makes me wonder how I'm ever going to get up again."

"I noticed a few browns."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

"I come from the future."

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

"Losing your fizz is very common for a man your age."

'Doctor, how can I prevent wrinkles? Don't sleep in your clothes.'

A senior moment.

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

Don't laugh - when you get old, your neck will get saggy, too.

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the best facelift of them all?