Aged-to-perfection Advocate T-Shirts

"Somehow, you saying that 50 is the new 40 doesn't cheer me up!"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Your contents have shifted."

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

Ed's receding hairline!

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

"Sitting on a beanbag doesn't take me back to the seventies- it just makes me wonder how I'm ever going to get up again."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"I noticed a few browns."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

"I come from the future."

"Losing your fizz is very common for a man your age."

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

A senior moment.

'Doctor, how can I prevent wrinkles? Don't sleep in your clothes.'

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

'Of course I'll love you when you 'go grey'... Why shouldn't I... I've loved you through six other shades!'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

"You'll see - when you get older, parts start to sag."

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the best facelift of them all?