Age Tweakers Gifts

Guess Your Age 25c Keep Your Age a Secret $10.

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Guess who brought king cake!"

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

'Upon entering the rain forest...' 'Thousands of unknown species, and we can fool around with the genes of every one of them.'

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

Timmy has a great future in nano-technology.

"You're right -- this town is big enough for the both of us."

'I'm not a 'Ghost', I'm an Ectoplasmic American.'

Old MacDonald had a genetically modified farm.

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

"Yes, dear, I was cool under pressure in the boardroom. It's 58 degrees in there!"

"Anything else...apart from the wheel?"

I told you you weren't allowed to stretch before the seventh inning. Security.

"And if, in court, you need to varnish the truth, don't make it high gloss."

Bullfighting might be more widely accepted if it had a different name. They should call it "dodgebull"! (Published originally on April 27, 2015.)

"I tweeted yesterday. 'Sleep with your windows open'. It was liked and shared by 2000 mosquitos."

The Seder plate at Ye Olde Yankee Inne

Generational curses: 'Yeah A virus on your PC'

"She's had so much work done that she's starting to look like her mother."

"When you told me that your father owned several banks, you failed to mention that they're all piggy banks."

Police Dept. Public Information Office. This press release should say "We have not yet gathered evidence," not "We're clueless"!

"I see by your resume that you've got a big problem with formatting."

"Good Lord, this is grape juice!"

"Boxing Day is cancelled this year. We're going to stop cold turkey."

"I think I see some eggs in here."

"Easy on the cosmetics, dear. Use just enough so people say, 'See, you don't need makeup!'"

'This new vestments freedom does seem appropriate for the comical twaddle he sometimes spouts.'

"March 177th? Already?!"

Social comment on the time-honoured tradition of attaching a Just Married sign to the newlyweds car

'Pretty clever how the stepsisters got out of marrying the prince.'

'Ah-ah! Hands off the thermostat!'

'Look at it this way Sylvia - I'm at a Bar Mitzvah without the Mitzvah.'

"I find you in contempt for consistently referring to me as 'Your Highness'."

'Hey buddy, can you cut down that one to give me a better view?'