Afterlife Tactician Gifts

"This is as far as your air miles take you."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Call me?"

"Surgery up here is free!"

"All we have left is standing room only."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

"You're a physician? Let me ask you about a problem that I've been having."

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

'He lived and died for golf.'

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

A car's soul escapes as it expires at the meter.

A Male Angel throwing his Halo as a Frisbee for his Dog to catch.

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"As we're here for eternity, I expected at least a television."

Postcards from Heaven...

Gates of heaven

"Oh nooo, we can't skip church. Why, we'll just sleep when we're dead!"

Armstrong, the new Ybox game console comes out next week. I've got to get in line at Computer Villa. Nope. You are callous and inhumane. Fortunately, I have a backup plan. Computer Villa sale! If anyone cuts, chew their nose off.

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"Yes, this is heaven - but we need some source of funding, too."

Post-psychoanalysis

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

"We use the proceeds to help offset the cost of your eternal salvation."

'You still can't take it with you, but we now offer cloud storage for intellectual properties.'

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

"Hey! You were that old sourpuss who worked at the motor vehicles department!"