Afterlife Fan Club Gifts

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Surgery up here is free!"

"All we have left is standing room only."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

'We've re-branded.'

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

The Reaper's Arms

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"You're a physician? Let me ask you about a problem that I've been having."

"From this you make a living?"

..and with our new spirit website you can keep in touch with all your dead friends!

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

"Sorry, we first have to do a background check."

'Even down here we never lose our sense of humor!'

A Male Angel throwing his Halo as a Frisbee for his Dog to catch.

"As we're here for eternity, I expected at least a television."

"Oh nooo, we can't skip church. Why, we'll just sleep when we're dead!"

Gates of heaven

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"Yes, this is heaven - but we need some source of funding, too."

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'

"Wow. I just had a near life experience!"

Post-psychoanalysis

'Listen, if they didn't have alcohol in heaven, it wouldn't be heaven!'

"From here on out it's term and conditions."